she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Still dying that you shit outside
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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