Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize