I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
