I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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