Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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