Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
operation have a gay friend backfired
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
