Pappa wants mamma naked
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
