the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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