No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
you made out with another girl for some wings
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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