we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
