my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
