We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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