He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
