even my farts smell like vagina
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
