She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize