I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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