You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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