those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
