I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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