Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
