Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
