he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Couch. On fire.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
