woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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