Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
His nipple licking is glorious
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