i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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