U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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