WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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