I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
