that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
