Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
