I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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