how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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