You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
