Your mouth is God's brothel.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
