He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
