Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
