how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
