Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
