I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
