I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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