I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
