oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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