You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
