I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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