My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Randomize
