i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
