It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
