I wanna bring you to show and tell
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
