I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
