I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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