my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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