vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
