New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
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