At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
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