Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
