I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
