Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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