And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
