Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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