i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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