I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
