he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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