I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
