Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
