My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
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