"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
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