Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
