Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
