It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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