...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
