I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
