she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
