im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
