i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Randomize
