It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
